Ok, so the headline is a bit dramatic, but as I sit here in the quiet moments after the chaos of bedtime, I find myself reflecting on how much life has changed since the arrival of our second child, Ruby.
Being a mother of two is a beautiful, rewarding experience, and I am so beyond grateful that I have the privilege of having two children, but it’s also a journey fraught with challenges I hadn’t anticipated. By far one of the biggest has been navigating friendships in this new phase of life. If you're a mom, you might understand the unique isolation that can come with expanding your family, and if you're not, I hope this gives you a glimpse into the complex world of motherhood and friendships.
Before Ruby was born, I felt like I had a good handle on my social life. Sure, having one child already meant juggling playdates, work, and family time, but I still managed to maintain my friendships. We had a rhythm, my friends and I, an understanding that while motherhood changed things, it didn’t have to redefine them completely. I was still able to carry my title of “Good Time Gal” while also holding title of “Mom.”
However, the arrival of my mini-me threw a wrench into the delicate balance I had worked so hard to maintain. Suddenly, my time and energy were split between two little beings with their own needs and schedules. The constant demands and sometimes sleepless nights left me exhausted, both physically and mentally. I found myself declining invitations more often than accepting them, not because I didn’t want to see my friends, but because the effort seemed overwhelming and the thought of bringing one, or even two, children with me seemed like a buzz kill for everyone.
Isolation crept in slowly, disguised as practicality. “It’s just easier to stay home,” was an interior dialogue to seemed to play in my head on repeat, especially in the first six-ish months postpartum. Coordinating naps, meals, and the unpredictable moods of a toddler and a newborn felt like a monumental task. I watched as my social media feeds filled with friends enjoying vacations and girls' nights out, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of envy and a twinge of guilt. Envy for the freedom they seemed to have and guilt for wanting that freedom myself.
Yet, through this journey, I learned 1) navigating friendships in this new landscape required a shift in perspective and 2) the importance of communication. It wasn’t fair to expect my friends to understand the depths of my exhaustion and the logistical hurdles I faced without telling them. One night over martinis, when I finally opened up, I found a well of understanding and support I hadn’t fully appreciated. My true friends didn’t drift away; they adjusted with me, finding new ways to stay connected.
I began to cherish the small, seemingly insignificant moments of connection. A quick coffee date during a free hour, a text message check-in, or a phone call while Ruby napped became lifelines. These moments were reminders that my friends were still there, even if our interactions had changed. The depth of these connections grew stronger, rooted in empathy and mutual support.
Finding other moms in similar situations also became a source of solace. In my mom group, I discovered a community of women who understood the unique challenges of balancing two young kids. These connections provided a sense of comfort and solidarity, reminding me that I wasn’t alone in my struggles.
Above all, I learned the importance of self-compassion. Like I have mentioned in a previous post, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of comparing oneself to others, but every family’s journey is unique. I had to remind myself that it’s okay to struggle, and that taking care of my mental health was just as crucial as taking care of my children.
Navigating friendships after the arrival of #2 has been a journey of rediscovery. It’s about finding new rhythms and redefining what connection looks like. While it hasn’t been easy, it has brought a newfound depth and resilience to my friendships and to myself. So, to all the moms out there feeling isolated and overwhelmed, know that you are not alone. Reach out, communicate, and find your people. Friendship, like motherhood, is a journey worth nurturing, even in the busiest seasons of life.
To all my real ones — thank you for being the best, even when I felt my worst.